A small miracle

Last week as most of us moms know school started.  Lucy started kindergarten and Jack second grade.  I decided to make them a list of things that needed to be done before the bus at 7:15 and before bed at 7:00 at night.  Lets just say for our entire family I wish last week could be wiped off our slate that we will present to the Lord in the next life.  It was not a good week.  I screamed the whole week at my kids.  I was stressed and exhausted having to wake up to feed a newborn multiple times a night and having to get both of them ready and myself to walk them to the bus stop.  Josh at the same time worked til 11 monday night.  Tuesday night he came home having had one of the worst days of his life feeling depressed, angry, defeated, like a failure and a myriad of other emotions.  So that was fun and I again put the kids to bed by myself.  Wednesday luckily one of his best friends drove through town and they went on a desperately needed golfing excursion.  I was not having these same charitable thoughts while he was gone though and he didn't get home til 9 so once again...you know.  Thursday came and of course that is mutual night, did I mention Josh was called to be the Young Men's President 3 weeks ago?  Well, he was and so he had to be to mutual.  So obviously a lot of feelings building up in both of us and no time to talk about them and well, I would bet the spirit wasn't even in our home while we were praying or reading the scriptures (which we did daily by the way).  Sometimes even doing those things though he just can't be around with the thoughts that are in our head.  Anyway, needless to say I've had to make up for a lot and continue to repent so that week can be forgotten when I go to be judged. 

So here is where the miracle comes in.  Yesterday was the Sabbath.  I love it when there is time to just think and ponder and meditate so I had to really think hard about how I was going to make this week different.  I have read a couple times the book "Parenting with Love and Logic" and I love it.  I am not very good at it though.  I seem to get sucked into being a helicopter parent.  I am a control freak so much of the time.  I want my house a certain way, I want my kids in bed at a certain time, I want them to look a certain way for school, I want them to be in bed at a certain time.  Well, that is crazy for lots of reasons but I will name two.  One is that where is the joy in life when you are so regimented and inflexible?  Two how are your kids being so little supposed to live up to those expectations all the time and therefore you get angry at them?  Three is where do they learn personal responsibility and feeling the effects/consequences of their own acts when you are the one mad, yelling, frustrated etc.  So I was planning how I would handle their list of items they need to do without being a freak about it and myself getting flustered and them not caring one bit that you are so mad. 

I reflected back to my book.  It says that you should let them know in a positive way what will happen when they don't get things done and let them deal with the consequence.  Instead of saying, "You can't have dinner til your homework is done," (negative) "Feel free to have dinner with us when your homework is done." (positive)  It says you can even send their school clothes in their backpack and send them on the bus in their jammies if they can't do it in time.  Let them miss the bus if they haven't made their bed...(which btw would be traumatic for both my kids) Let them play in their room at bedtime til all hours of the night if they wish as long as you don't see them or hear them because they will have the consequence of it the next day.

So just to explain a little about my jack.  He has a really hard time staying focused and on task.  If I tell him to get in the bath it is about 90% of the time that if I say that and walk away I will come back 25 minutes later and he will be messing around with his clothes still on.  If I tell him to get in the bath and don't sit there telling him wash your hair, wash your body, unplug it, get the towel, get your jammies on he will stay in the bath for an hour.  So it can be super frustrating for me but a blast for him when it is time to get things done.  This needed to change.  I decided yesterday I would say, "Feel free to ride the bus when you get your list done."  He made it to the bus.  I said the same to Lucy and she decided she wasn't going to have time for breakfast so she got a juice box and granola bar on the way out to eat when she got to school.  I thought that was very clever of her. 

After school as soon as they walked in I said, "Feel free to have dinner with us when your homework is done.  Lucy, taking after me, sat right down after grabbing a snack and did it with only a couple short distractions.  Jack on the other hand still had barely done an 8th of the page when it came time or gymnastics 2+ hours later.  He seemed excited to go to gym probably thinking i wouldn't hold true to the no dinner til its done comment.  When we got home at 5:30 Colin, Lucy and i sat down to eat and Jack plopped right by us.  I gently reminded him of the deal.  He sulked away.  30 minutes later I walked by his room and he was laying on the bed having done no more and he saw me and started wailing how it was going to take forever and he would never get dinner!  This is when i knew it was working.  I acted like I couldn't hear him and in the meantime got lucy and Colin in the shower, ready for bed and did our bedtime routine. 

Next thing I know I hear food being prepared in the kitchen.  I settled in the other kids and went to ask how he was doing.  His homework was done and he was eating his dinner.  The best part is he was happier than he had been all day!  He felt proud, accomplished and he knew he had done it all on his own.  i next said you can go to bed once you have showered and read your scriptures.   And guess what!!! he did all of that in a matter of 20 minutes without me saying a word.  This is proof that book works.  it puts the responsibility on them instead of you and they get all the reward when it is achieved!  Here is to a great yell free house full of responsible self motivated children for this week anyway.  We will take it one week at a time.

 Lucys first official day.

Jacks first official day.  Lucy had a curriculum/tour morning.