Crying

One of the qualities I have liked about myself forever has been that I am not an emotional person.  Emotional in the sense that I don't shed tears very frequently.  I mean, when Josh asked me to marry him, he was balling and I was kind of trying to sniffle so I didn't look insensitive.  Honestly, I was just giddy and wanted to laugh.  When we were kneeling over the alter getting married, I got the giggles and seriously could not stop. I was so embarrassed but really I was just so happy.  He was across the alter just crying.  So, not to be confused with thinking that I don't like the fact that Josh is emotional.  I just like that I, in the past, have not been.  Whenever I would do those "TAG" posts on facebook or in an email and they would ask when was the last time you cried, every woman would say, "last night" or "this morning" or "yesterday."  I would always have to sit and think, "Gosh I can't remember."  I went through a time when my cousin Rob died that I cried every day for a long time.  Then whenever I would see my Aunt Adrienne or cousins that were his siblings I would cry. Well, as with every trial it has gotten easier and now I don't cry every time I think about him.  I smile now.

I think this has been the longest stint of crying I have had, until recently. Gosh, I mean I start crying when I look at a picture of an old friend from Herriman like I did last night.  I start crying when I leave a message on a sisters in Utah's voicemail.  I start crying when I talk to my old friend from Utah.  I cried when my cousin from Utah told me she was not able to come down this week to visit.  I cried when I was packing up my house multiple times.  I cried when I said goodbye at my friends' house.  I cried when my friend came to get something and it was the last time I was going to see her for a long time.  (I wailed during that one).  It is safe to say I miss Utah desperately.

I am sure everyone goes through some type of mourning period when they leave somewhere.  This is just not me.  This is a very foreign thing for me.  I am not used to crying a lot and my kids aren't either.  They get so concerned and confused whenever they see it.

I have so much to be thankful for.  I have 3 of the most beautiful children on the planet.  I have an absolutely fabulous husband who continues to make me laugh, serves me, loves me unconditionally and keeps me grounded.  He is worried that I might turn a little loopy being out here in the country by myself.  Maybe it has already started.  My last post was a little loopy and now I have turned into a cry baby.  It used to be I had to be listening to a beautiful song for the emotions to come out and now they just come.  Maybe I am getting older. 

We think we might not build a house right now.  It is for multiple reasons.  So now we are house hunting.  NOT FUN!!!!! But then again I am so grateful we are able to buy a house in this economy.  I am grateful that my husband has a job and that I can stay home.  I am grateful Jack has found one friend on the bus and one good friend in his class.  I am grateful he was able to have a play date the other day.  I am grateful for Christmas time.  I have put up most of my decorations and it makes me so happy.  This house is almost cute when it has Christmas decorations.  I am grateful for Bath and Body works that has the greatest strongest smelling candles that help mask the dead mouse, copper and rotted rag smell that is around this house.  I am grateful that it is the middle of November and we still played at the park yesterday.  I am grateful for all the hundreds of friends and family I have that I love.

Most of all I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me and knows exactly what I am feeling. We are never alone in this dark and scary world because of our Savior.   Thanks Britt for posting this on your blog so I can copy you.